Comm 150 has me thinking

“Are you sure you want to decline your acceptance to Brigham Young University Provo?”

Yes. And no. Maybe. I’m probably more unsure about this than I have been about anything in a while. Because guess what? I was a senior in high school. I knew where I was, I had my girlfriends by my side, my parents…I belonged somewhere. The swaying fields and fresh cut alfalfa, the little red swing atop a gritty sand pile, the theater stage hot with lights, the winding roads of the Divide and my little tank, the heater and blanket and late night talks with momma. They owned me. Heart and soul.  How was I supposed to be sure about jumping from the one thing that was going to be constant? I was going to grow up, attend BYU, and then go to Law School. Live in New York.

Not Idaho. And yet, that is exactly was I was going to do. Because the little essay I was writing called “the simple, beautiful, finding myself years at Weber” was coming to a close. It had reached its 3,000 words and it was time to turn it in.

That’s what I feel like my life is like. A few well written essays, some photojournalism, and a short story or two. And a lot of ramblings. It’s like little chapters of a novel that is still being written. How did I get here? What now? Where am I going? Sometimes I wonder that too. Especially the “where am I going” bit.

Chapter one: a perfectly on-time baby is born 30 minutes after her mother’s arrival at hospital. She gurgles and laughs and her sisters put headbands on her bald head. Colorado is good to her.

Chapter two: a bare-foot childhood is spent running around a storybook neighborhood, chasing the mailman and jumping on trampolines. She’s pretty confident. And precocious. Most of the time she just doesn’t care if the man fixing the lights in the basement wants to hear her stories or not.

Chapter three: Huntsville. Paved roads gave way to dirt fields. The little girl danced and swung until she grew up. She loved that family that she called her own. And they went adventuring almost every day.

Chapter four: that one time when she went to junior high. Because that time was hard. And somehow, no matter how high the swings took her, she could never get back the beautiful, bright-eyed child she was. She was plain and awkward and self-conscious. No fun.

Chapter five: her feet found the stage and her voice found a song. And the stage and the song found her friends. Good ones. Gorgeous girls full of life and love and happiness. And they loved her, for just being her. And she slowly gave herself permission to be her again. The bright-eyed child. Because they said it was ok. And she danced. It was an exquisite and charming little time.

Chapter six: college came. And somehow, between classes and working and living she became herself. Little things she had wanted and worked on, people were suddenly complimenting her on! This was fabulous. And she had her first boyfriend. What? Guys asked her on dates? Yep. She loved life and it loved her right back.

Chapter seven: passing buckets full of mud and water, she found a part of herself she never knew. Her soul soaked up the joy, love, vibrancy and hope from those who were rich with poverty. She has to reclaim that part of herself often…the being under the Kenyan sun and breathing warm air and thinking new thoughts and loving people who were suddenly no longer strangers part. Because sometimes it gets lost or forgotten.

Chapter 8: although she has some big plans for this part, it hasn’t actually happened yet. So she keeps dreaming with her eyes wide open. Ready.

So I guess that's where I can from. Kinda. And as I sit here in my forth-floor apartment, I'm grateful for it. Because yeah, I might be a little crazy. and temperamental. and probably annoying. But I'm optimistic. and driven. and hopeful for the future. And that's enough.  

remember that one time in Kenya?

oh where do i start? somewhere in the back of my mind, i know i have been putting off writing this down because i don't have the words to explain my experience. Kenya opened a place in my heart i never knew i had. the beautiful children and people i met there lived with a vibrancy in their life that i wish i had. you can see it in their eyes. how can i explain how i was changed? 

i can't.

so instead, i'll post a million pictures and hope that somehow you can feel some of Kenya in the faces of these children. 

but first, i'll start from the beginning. my younger brother, Ross, came with me. and watched out for me the whole time. isn't he cute?

sometimes i pretend i'm a little bit hipster...

the first place we went was an elephant orphanage. 

and also, i kissed a giraffe. no big deal.

and made Ross pose for all sorts of snapshots. don't you think he loved that? apparently he also loves peace signs.

this is what we ate. every night. plus some fresh mango, pineapple or avocado. yum!

Sarah and i looked like this pretty much everyday after the project. muddy and stinky, but so worth it. seeing the children hanging onto the bars in the window of the existing room of the school we were building made the heavy buckets lighter. i fell in love with these faces.

don't you love these two brothers?

they loved our hair! and could braid it beautifully.

they loved him like crazy!

aside from the kids we met at the school we were building, we visited past schools that World of Difference had built. and the children there stole my heart as well. all it took was one look, one touch of their hands, one tug at the end of my braid. and i was theirs.

i would have done anything for those kids. they placed so much hope, joy, and trust in my hands. and all i could do was love and serve them with the time we had.

aren't they adorable in their little blue uniforms?

this is what happened when i tried to put her down. they loved their "mzungo" as much as we loved them.

they always want their hands in the picture. so funny!

we also took trips on the two weekends we were there... 

one to the Ma'asai Reservation for a safari. this post is really about the people of Kenya and the time i spent with them, so here's just a few of the many pictures i took on safari.

in case you wanted to see something gorgeous, here is the Great Rift Valley.

giraffes running at sunset? plus birds flying off their backs? i'll take it. the scene was so beautiful, i couldn't help but praise a loving Father in Heaven. such a tender mercy!

a little Maasai girl. she was precious. and kept dancing for me.

no worries. i'm just in Kenya and Tanzania at the same time.

and one to the coast at Mombasa. the ocean was warm, with white sand and palm trees. so gorgeous! i wanted to soak it all in, bottle it up to take back to Rexburg for the dreary days of winter. the breeze filled with salt, the water stretching for miles, the sun beating down and burning away the stress and worry of life. mmmm.

also...after Mombasa i was probably the tannest i have ever been in my life. no big.

they hang fabric for sarongs on these during the day. and i bought one.

chacos tan line. that's what happens when you wear them everyday for two weeks!

sunrise over the Indian Ocean? yes please.

can you see the line of white? that's the ocean breaking over the reef. and i swam out to it. we picked up starfish and saw Kenyans in long boats, pushing them with poles and spearing tiny squids. it was amazing.

all too soon, our time in Kenya came to an end. we had a tearful goodbye with our kids and fellow workers, and headed back to America.

Walter. he was so great.

 they loved making funny faces. so cute!

Steve was one of my favorites. he would hold my hand and always stick around me. and get a little upset when i picked other kids up!

kwaheri Kenya! nakupenda sana!

i hope to return again and again to Kenya, so show my gratitude and love for the people who helped me discover myself in a better light than i knew before.

ps...if you want to join with World of Difference, visit their website to find out how to donate or go to Kenya. you won't regret it.

Jambo!

When I started this blog, I decided it would kinda be like my journal...my place to keep track of what is going on in my life. and I haven't done a very good job of that lately. partly because I am busy. and partly because I was in AFRICA! yep. I went there. to Kenya. for 2 and half weeks. and it was wonderful and amazing.
The people that we got to work with were some of the happiest, most giving, and most loving I have ever met. Their ever-present smiles and infectious optimism was inspiring in any situation. But they come from such poverty. They have nothing and yet they live their lives with a richness known to few in America. In Kenya, I was a much more joyful Cara than back in the States. Because they rub off on you. My sweet brother Ross came into our room one night and said "Cara...this is the happiest I have ever been." and it was true. there is something rejuvenating and cleansing about spending all day serving others, working with strangers who become friends, and discovering a piece of your heart that you never knew.
Much more about Kenya soon. and a bazillion pictures.